


Are You Serious Or Not

by MacPye



Series: We'll Return In A Moment [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:55:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2079369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacPye/pseuds/MacPye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Steve, don't you think this is completely nuts?"</p>
<p>Steve looked at Sam from across the aisle. "You're asking a guy who's the product of a super soldier serum experiment, who's fought Nazis during World War Two - including a someone with a red head and plans for world domination - a guy who also parked his plane in an ice cap, was defrosted seventy years later, only to fight off an alien invasion? That's the guy you're asking this of?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You Serious Or Not

"So, what brings you here?" Tony asked, cradling a glass of scotch.

"I don't know, I just didn't feel like going to any other kind of bar," Steve said, his face a carefully schooled picture of innocence. Sam snorted. Loudly.

They'd arrived only half an hour previously, flagged through the Tower's security check points by Maria Hill - which was, in Steve's opinion, only fair, since she'd asked them to come over in the first place.

He'd been poring over detailed maps of Hungary with Sam, at Sam's apartment (mostly because, let's face it, Steve didn't feel safe going back to his own any longer. If Hydra goons could shoot up the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. in that apartment, it didn't bode well for what they could do to Steve himself). Sam's home phone rang just as Steve was trying to find out if he could find a particular area on Google Earth. Silently, Sam picked it up.

"Yeah?" He listened, his face staying the same, although, after a moment, his eyebrows moved up. "It's for you," he told Steve, a hint of amusement around his eyes.

Steve accepted the phone. He'd no sooner pressed it against his ear, then a familiar voice said, "Captain Rogers. I need you to come to Stark Tower as soon as possible."

"Hill," Steve said, unable to keep annoyance from creeping into his voice, "In case you didn't know, I'm not exactly at your beck and call anymore. Plus, I'm not in New York."

Hill sighed, obviously frazzled. "Look, this isn't about me, or S.H.I.E.L.D., it's about Stark."

" _Stark_?" Steve repeated, mostly for Sam's benefit. "What about him?" Sam was now paying closer attention.

"He needs a distraction. He's actually _arguing_ with Banner, and Pepper's worried that that spells disaster for the Tower's structural integrity."

"Banner is there?" Steve frowned. It wasn't as if anyone had kept him in the loop about where the other Avengers were, the only one who'd halfway bothered was Natasha. "Pepper - that's Pepper Potts, right? She's a clever lady, can't she diffuse the situation?"

"Trust me, she tried. As did I. This needs something a little stronger."

"You want me to come over to _hit_ him?" He looked at Sam, who was biting his lip, keeping his laughter inside.

"Don't play stupid, Captain, it doesn't suit you," Hill responded evenly. "I just want you to throw a little reunion party. I don't know, discuss your progress on looking for Barnes with them. Impress Stark with your increase in pop-cultural awareness."

"And if we don't do this, you're afraid it'll end badly. Fine, fine." Steve sighed. "We can't have Hulk tearing apart the Tower just after it's been so finely redecorated."

"Thank you. I'll have a jet waiting for you at Reagan." She hung up. Steve frowned at the phone for a moment.

"So?" Sam asked casually.

"She'll have a _jet_ waiting for us at _Reagan_ ," Steve said, shaking his head.

"I guess her transition from S.H.I.E.L.D. to Stark Industries must've gone really smoothly," Sam quipped, drawing out the vowels. Steve snorted indelicately.

"Bring your wing pack, let's give Stark something useful to tinker with," he said, putting away the maps.

 

*****

 

Of course, a Stark Industries private jet _was_ , in fact, waiting for them at Reagan. Sam wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at how utterly ridiculous his life had become in the span of an hour. Both Steve and himself were more used to the utilitarian spaces of military aircraft, and the interior of the jet wasn't anything remotely like that. Completely over the top, was Sam's private review.

So they were off to handhold and coddle one of the richest men on the planet, a guy certainly several years their senior, just because he was throwing hissy fits at his science bro. If the consequences of an actual fist fight between those two weren't so dangerous, it would have been the most hilarious thing _ever_. Sam shook his head bemusedly as an air hostess brought him a soda. How was his life even real?

"Steve, don't you think this is completely nuts?"

Steve looked at him from across the aisle. "You're asking a guy who's the product of a super soldier serum experiment, who's fought Nazis during World War Two - including a someone with a red head and plans for world domination - a guy who also parked his plane in an ice cap, was defrosted seventy years later, only to fight off an alien invasion? That's the guy you're asking this of?"

Sam laughed. "Fair point."

"At this stage, seriously, I just think this is business as usual."

 

*****

 

When they'd arrived at the gleaming glass doors to the Tower, it was dark out, and Natasha had melted out of the shadows.

Without blinking, Sam asked, "You on babysitting duty, too?"

She smiled her enigmatic little smile and tilted her head. "I just came for the booze."

Steve laughed. " _That_. Is really not going to help me," he managed.

"That's because you're our designated driver," she retorted.

"For _life_ ," he returned.

"Seriously, you two need to play table tennis at some point," Sam interjected.

Natasha grinned. "It's good to see you both. Shall we go save Banner?"

 

*****

 

That's how they'd ended up in Tony Stark's den, which came with a complete bar and a seriously large flat screen (Steve's apartment had windows that size) which also had a selection of games consoles attached to it, and three sofas set out in a U shape around it. Everyone was lounging on the opulent, modern leather sofas, with the exception of Tony, who was leaning against the bar.

"Really," he said, eyeing Steve in disbelieve, "you came out here purely as a Friday night thing?"

"It's Saturday," Sam pointed out.

Tony waved an arm dismissively. "Whatever. Who the hell are you anyway?"

"Sam Wilson," Sam said. "You know, the guy who helped in DC, taking down those tri-carriers?"

"The guy who made you whoop and swear when you saw him on TV," Pepper supplied, as she crossed the room from the elevator. "Hi, everyone," she added. She received a chorus of greetings.

"Did you set this up? Did you invite them all here?" Tony asked her. "And I did not whoop. I maybe swore a little."

"You maybe swore a lot," she corrected him, leaning in for a peck on his lips. "I asked Maria to call some people, to make you take a break from work."

"You usually have to kick me out of bed to _get_ me to work," he said. "Now you want me to stop?"

She rolled her eyes. "I need to kick you out of bed for _Stark Industries_ work," she clarified, "not for your personal tinkering. I need to drag you to bed to make you stop doing _that_."

"You could have tried that," he said in a low voice.

"I _did_ ," she said significantly.

"Well, oops," said Steve. When they both turned to him, he held up his hands. "Don't mind us. Please, do go on. We're hardly even here."

Tony cocked his head and jutted his jaw forward. "Point made, old man." He walked around the bar to grab another drink, and Pepper sat down next to Natasha.

"Is your friend not here?" Pepper asked her.

"Which friend?" Natasha said with a small frown.

"You know, Robin Hood. What's his face, _Barton_ ," Tony said, sitting down on the opposite sofa, next to Bruce, to whom he handed another glass.

"Oh, I sent him off to see what's up with a set of co-ordinates Fury gave me," Natasha said.

"Why'd you do that?" Steve asked, a little appalled.

She shrugged. "Better him than me."

"What?" spluttered Tony.

She tuned to him coolly. "He'll be fine. The chance of it being anything hostile is next to nothing. And he's really good at guilelessly finding all the little things you don't want him to. I have an idea about what the co-ordinates mean, but if anyone's going to be good at figuring it out, it's him."

"Really," Tony said.

"He's not just a guy who shoots arrows really well, you know." She delicately sipped her drink. Steve privately thought that was an indication she was about to get lethal.

"He's a trained S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, Tony," he clarified, before shit could hit the fan. Tony now turned to him, and Natasha glanced at him with a hint of appreciation.

"Yeah, what is his history there?" Bruce now put in. Once again, everyone turned back to Natasha, who raised an eyebrow at them.

"Seriously? All the files are online. If you really were curious, you could have looked it up," she pointed out.

"Meh," said Tony, his facial gesture at once indicating that he'd been too busy doing other stuff, and that he'd not thought of it before now. Bruce shrugged apologetically.

Natasha sighed. "He was recruited about five years before me, he got on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar as a mercenary. He never told me who recruited him, but in my estimation, it can only have been either Fury himself, or - Coulson. He was part of Strike Team Delta with Coulson and another agent, after they'd lost their original sniper. There was an incident in Bahrain, the team was disbanded, Clint recruited me, and they resurrected the team."

"With the three of you?" Pepper asked, some awe and disbelief mixed in her voice.

Natasha gave her a crooked smile. "People always thought Coulson was just another suit. I guess that was his super power; blending in anywhere, being unmemorable, always being underestimated. In fact, he once took out two armed robbers with a bag of flour."

Tony stared at her. "I never know whether you're serious or not," he remarked, after a pause.

"Fury personally recruited and trained him," she said with a shrug. "Believe what you like, but those are the facts."

"I'm sorry, but who's Coulson?" Sam asked.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. agent," Tony said. "He appeared in my life shortly after I was kidnapped in Afghanistan. I guess S.H.I.E.L.D. figured there'd been more to my escape than met the eye."

"You're not wrong," Natasha said dryly. Tony acknowledged that with a bow of his head.

"Anyway," he continued, "Coulson was sent to debrief me. With one thing an another, that never happened until after I had a mechanized fight with the late Obadiah Stane. Coulson instructed me to keep quiet about my being Iron Man, but, well, you know what happened."

"He babysat you in Malibu after your disastrous birthday party in '10," Pepper supplied. Tony grimaced.

"Yeah, he did for a bit. And then he was called away, for, what, exactly?"

"Thor's hammer," Natasha said. "It landed in New Mexico."

"Seriously," Sam said.

Natasha nodded. "Coulson lead the team trying to figure out what it was. Clint was part of security."

"And you were still snugly infiltrated in Stark Industries," Tony added.

"Guys, none of that actually answers his question," Bruce interjected quietly.

"You're right," Pepper said, her voice a little brittle, her eyes on her hands.

Natasha tilted her chin up, the move effectively sweeping her hair from her face, which was set in a strangely proud expression. "He was one of the most dependable people you could ever meet. Kind and loyal to a fault. He had a wickedly wry and intelligent sense of humor. He didn't take shit from anyone. He was one of the few people I totally trust." She looked slyly at Steve. "And I can only imagine he was what you'd be in a couple of years, except, you know, without the whole super soldier serum."

Steve was surprised. "You're serious?"

She nodded. "He was loyal, yes, but he also inspired great loyalty in others, the way you do. Like you, he kind of made people want to not disappoint him. Any time he was disappointed in Clint or me, we knew we'd really messed up."

"He noticed people, you know," Pepper said quietly. When she saw the blank faces around her, she added, "People knew who I was, the whole assistant to Tony Stark part, back in '08, but he noticed me as a person. He actually asked me if I was okay at some point. That's kind of how we became friends. He actually, genuinely seemed to care."

Natasha nodded curtly. "He did. That was his thing."

"Part of his super power?" Bruce asked kindly. Natasha threw him a genuine smile.

"So, hold on, this is all in past tense," Sam said. "What happened to him?"

"Before the actual Battle of New York, he took on the guy who lead those aliens," Steve told him. "He got stabbed through the back."

Everyone was quiet for a moment.

"That was actually kind of therapeutic," Tony broke the silence.

"Do you know how Barton is?" Bruce asked.

"I could call him," Natasha responded, digging a phone from her jacket pocket.

"Yes, please, I'm all kinds of curious about that mission you sent him on," Tony said.

"I never know whether you're serious or not," Natasha told him, dialing. Steve laughed.

 

*****

 

Clint was just correcting Skye's stance with a bow when the phone in his pocket rang. "Excuse me," he told her, and picked up.

"Hey, Natasha," he said pleasantly.

Skye's eyes slid to Melinda, who had been fiddling with some fletching, but was now casually paying attention.

"Yeah, I found what it was. Did you know -" Clint broke off, listening, then said, "No, no, I don't think it's a good idea to discuss that over the phone." He paused again. "I'm kind of tied up ri-" Another pause. "And the lot of you can't deal?" Pause. A sigh. "Look, I'll see what I can do." Pause. "Yes, hi to them, too. Assholes." He snorted. "Okay, laters."

He looked up at them. "What?"

"Did you just... talk to the Black Widow?" Skye asked.

"No biggie," Clint grinned.

" _No biggie_? That was the _Black Widow_ ," Skye said, incredulous.

"Yep, it was. And now I've got to have a chat with Coulson," he said.

"No biggie," Skye muttered darkly, as Clint left the range.

 

*****

 

Phil looked up from his paperwork when Clint entered his office. He smiled. "Hey."

"Hey," Clint returned, flinging himself onto one of the chairs in front of Phil's desk. "I've got a little favor to ask."

"A little favor?" Phil echoed, curious.

"A little big favor," Clint said, twiddling with his phone.

Phil frowned and sat back in his chair, waiting for Clint to continue.

"I need to get to Stark Tower."

"To Stark Tower," Phil repeated blankly.

"I thought, maybe, we could plan your big reveal at the same time?"

"Why do you need to get to Stark Tower?"

"Because Natasha asked me to come. She's with Stark, Rogers, Banner, and some others. The way she asked for me to come..."

"...the Venice Code?"

Clint started. "How do you know about the Venice Code?"

Phil snorted. "Please. As if either of you could ever keep a verbal code a secret from me."

"See, that's why I like you best," grinned Clint. "You still manage to surprise me."

A tiny, smug smile flashed across Phil's face. "And how did you plan for that big reveal?"

 

*****

 

It was bright and early the next morning when Natasha came down from the guest rooms floor into what Tony had dubbed "the communal kitchen". Bruce was boiling water and preparing a cup of tea.

"Morning," he said, when he spotted her.

"Morning," she responded, stretching her arms above her head. "Is there anything to eat?"

"Depends on your definition of edible," Bruce said. "There's some over processed breakfast foods, cereals, you know the thing. But I'm about to make a fruit salad for myself, and I'd be happy enough to make some extra."

"Thanks, I'd like that," Natasha said, sliding onto a stool at the other side of the kitchen island.

"Tea?" Bruce asked, indicating the kettle.

"Please," she answered.

He poured them both tea, handed her a mug, and then set to work on making his fruit salad in silence. She watched as he carefully peeled and cut.

"There you go," he finally said, putting a full bowl and a spoon in front of her.

"Thank you." She tucked in.

They ate in silence for a moment.

"So, why have you been arguing with Stark?" Natasha asked casually around a bite of apple and orange.

Bruce paused in the motion of bringing a spoonful to his mouth, then sighed and put it back into the bowl. "I guess Hill told you about that."

"She did," Natasha shrugged.

"Did she also tell you what Tony has been working on?"

"She didn't," Natasha admitted, cocking her head.

"See, that's the crux of the matter," Bruce said. He rubbed his face. "You know that he destroyed his stock of Iron Man suits around last Christmas. He's since been working on something a little... different."

"Different," Natasha said blankly. "Not better, in your opinion."

Bruce looked at her sharply. "Definitely not, no."

"Tell me about it."

He looked at her face intently for a moment, his eyebrows a frown. "He's been working on a robot," he finally said. "One with an advanced AI. Something to basically do the same work Iron Man and the rest of us have been doing; dealing with huge threats to the world."

"How is that a bad thing? It would effectively take all of us out of the line of fire."

"That's his reasoning, too. The thing is... it's a machine. It calculates risks and assesses them accordingly. It could never do any of our jobs."

"It misses humanity, you think."

He observed her, considering. "Essentially, yes. None of us base our course of action entirely on calculations and risk assessments. A whole lot of what we do it based in emotion. The urge to protect. Self-sacrifice. Compassion."

"You're afraid something will go wrong if something is given power without emotion."

He smiled ruefully. "To be honest, yes. I've got a bad feeling about this thing. Plus, it makes the other guy... itchy."

"Is that why you've been more argumentative?"

He shrugged. "I don't think I've ever been entirely afraid to speak my mind. And I've not been argumentative about it, more, hm, vehement, really."

"Maybe you need somewhere else to be, something else to do," she told him.

He barked out a laugh. "That wouldn't solve the problem."

"No. But maybe we could make it someone else's problem."

 

*****

 

"Excuse me, sir," JARVIS's voice interrupted their Need For Speed game, "but Master Barton is requesting entrance to the Tower."

"Oh! Good!" Tony said, jumping up from the sofa. "Let him in. We'll play again another time."

"You just say that 'cause you were losing," Steve said.

"It was a tactical delay in winning," retorted Tony.

"Sure thing," Steve said breezily.

"He's a big troll, isn't he," Tony observed, addressing Sam in a stage whisper.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about," Sam deadpanned.

Tony took a step back, covering his heart dramatically. "Et tu, Brute! Back me up here, Romanoff!"

"Back up where," Natasha said lazily from where she was curled up on the sofa with a magazine.

"You're all big trolls, aren't you," Tony said with mock suspicion.

"I'm sure they're not the ones who turn green every so often," Bruce quipped dryly.

After a beat, Steve burst out laughing.

"I don't think inviting you all here was such a good idea, after all," Tony muttered darkly.

"Good thing it wasn't your idea in the first place, then," Natasha said, turning a page.

The elevator dinged.

"Saved by the bell," Sam said. Everyone chuckled as Tony rounded on them in annoyance.

"Let's hope Barton is any better," he said.

"Don't count on it," Natasha returned.

"Hey all," Clint said, as he strolled into the den, flanked by a tall, African American man with a military, if amused, air about him. "You talking shit about me again, Tasha?"

"You know it," Natasha threw back at him.

Clint grinned at her. "Good. Anyway, everyone, this is Antoine Triplett, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D." He indicated the other man.

"Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.?" Steve repeated. "Isn't S.H.I.E.L.D. supposed to be, I don't know, disbanded?"

"It was," Trip said. "But we're rebuilding."

"I'm sorry if I don't instantly congratulate you, but I'm kinda suspicious," Steve said. "Who's 'we', anyway?"

"Steve," Natasha said, quietly. "Antoine Triplett's grandfather was Gabriel Jones. I don't think he's the type to suddenly turn out to be Hydra."

Steve's head whipped around to take a closer look at Trip. "That true?"

Trip nodded slowly. "Grandad's the reason I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. in the first place."

"I guess that's why you were made S.H.I.E.L.D.'s reintroductory envoy," Tony said, poking Trip's arm.

"I was told you were sharp," Trip said with a lazy smile.

"Yeah? Who told you that? Was it Hill? Please tell me it was Hill. I really, really want to tease her with that."

"The Director told me," Trip answered.

"Enigmatic," Tony said appreciatively.

Natasha sat forward, finally paying attention fully. "Who was made Director?"

"You'll see," Trip said, his eyes sparkling with mirth. "He'll want to introduce himself."

"So it's not Hill?" Tony asked.

"She's been in the public eye a bit too much. Coddling Congress, you know, that sort of thing," Clint said. "If she hadn't been, I wouldn't doubt it'd have been her."

"So, is it anyone we know?" Tony asked, studiously feigning disinterest by looking at his fingernails.

"I don't know, Mr. Stark, is it?" someone said from the direction of the elevator.

Natasha paled dramatically, her magazine falling from her limp fingers. Steve and Bruce sat with their mouths open. Tony was obviously attempting to form words and failing, his eyes wide.

"I'd say you weren't expecting this guy," Sam said.

"No, no, we didn't," Bruce said.

"Fury said you were dead," Steve managed.

"You made Pepper cry," Tony said.

Coulson's face, which had, up to that point, been its usual kindly bland, was suddenly marred by a grimace. "In my defense, I actually was dead."

"Then how...?" Bruce asked.

"It's a long and rather unpleasant story," Coulson admitted. "Rest assured, when Fury told you I died aboard the helicarrier, he wasn't wrong."

"Why don't we all sit down," Trip suggested, when everyone continued to stare.

"Who knew?" Natasha asked sharply, as Trip and Clint ushered Tony and Coulson to seats on the sofas.

"Fury. Hill. A handful of senior agents," Coulson  answered, as he lowered himself onto the leather. "I think only Fury knew the full extent of what had been done to... resurrect me." He looked very tired all at once. Clint, who'd sat down next t him, put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"And they never thought it was an okay thing to tell us you were alive. You know, just in case some of us weren't dealing as well," Steve said darkly, eyeing Clint.

Coulson hesitated a moment. "Knowledge of what had happened to me is kind of dangerous. Not so much the fact that I'm alive, as much as _how_ I'm alive. The procedures... Others have already tried to find out, at great cost. If someone had caught wind that you knew, it might have ended badly for any one of you. On top of that, finding out the truth has been... problematic for me, too. If any of you had known I was alive, you might have pushed to find out what had been done, and caused irreparable harm without meaning to."

"What changed?" Bruce enquired.

"Everything, basically," Coulson said, with a tired smile. "I was forced to face my true memories of my recovery.  S.H.I.E.L.D.'s in tatters, we need to rebuild, change our tactics. I decided transparency with our, er, allies was the best tactic. Revealing my status to you is part of that. Part of rebuilding trust." He glanced at Steve significantly.

A slow smile crept across Steve's face. "You really are as good as everyone's been saying."

Everyone released a breath they hadn't realized they were holding, tension suddenly seeping out of the room.

Coulson looked at his hands. "I'm not sure I -"

"Yes, you," Tony said matter-of-factly. "We were talking about it only yesterday. I think, given the current atmosphere, you are the perfect person for the job."

"Current atmosphere?" Coulson echoed, a little stunned by Tony Stark's Seal Of Approval.

"What with the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the resurgence of Hydra, people are scared, suspicious, cautious to trust governments and anything within their territory, afraid of all the sudden changes and the way in which our world has been exposed to a universe full of threats. What we _need_ , is someone solid, dependable, trust inspiring. Basically, you." The lightness of Tony's voice belied by the seriousness in his eyes.

Coulson's eyes were over-bright. "That's enough uncharacteristic heart-to-hearts," he said quietly, after a pause.

"Right," Tony said, blinking and looking away. "I think we need a drink now." He got up and went to the bar , took down two glasses and a bottle. As he poured, he gestured at the others with his free hand. "Anyone else want something?"

"I'll have some of that cactus-lemon juice," Bruce said.

"Beer would be nice," said Sam.

"Whatever the hell it is that Bruce is having," Clint added.

"Beer. Yeah, beer's good," Steve said.

"I need vodka," Natasha said vehemently.

"Wow. Look at that. Normality restored," Tony remarked, busying himself with pouring the various orders.

"Just give me the bottle," Natasha said.

"Normality? _This_ is normality?" Sam quipped.

"Hey," Tony interrupted, carrying a tray full of drinks to the others, "can I at least tell Pepper?"

"Tell me what?" Pepper said, coming in from the stairwell. Everyone froze.

"Seems this is the evening of dramatic entrances," said Steve.

"Honey! Honey, honey, _honey_ ," Tony babbled, intercepting Pepper. "Remember when you last cried?"

She pulled a face at him. "When you blew up all your Iron Man suits?"

"Eeehh, no," he said. "When you cried for something sad."

"What's this about?" she asked suspiciously. "Did you break that vase I bought at auction last month?"

"No, no, nothing like that. I mean, this is something sad that you cried over in the past, but I can now tell you that it's okay, and you no longer need to be sad about it."

"...Phil," Pepper said, focusing on something behind Tony. He turned and saw that Phil had stood up.

"Actually, he's changed his name. It's Director now," Tony said lamely.

"It's okay, Pepper, it's okay,"  Coulson said in a soothing, even voice, approaching her.

"No, it's _not_ okay!" she ground out angrily. "You are _dead_! Are you now telling me we were lied to about something so important?"

Coulson halted. "I honestly never considered myself that important," he said. "And when Tony was told, I was, in fact, dead."

"So there's that," Tony said.

Pepper hugged Phil. "You silly, silly man. Did you honestly not see how attached people could get to you?"

"Not really," he managed, his chin on her shoulder. "I guess it took a trip through the afterlife?"

She held him at arm's length. "Oh, God, Phil, and I bet you haven't told your cellist!"

"I have to admit, she's no longer in the picture," he said, almost bashfully.

"You found time to romance someone while you were supposed to be dead?" she asked incredulously.

"It actually kind of only just happened a few days ago?" he said apologetically.

"Oh, I see," Natasha said, poking Clint hard in the bicep. Clint yelped.

Pepper looked from Phil to Clint and back, entirely bemused.

"Wait, what?" Tony said.

"It's relatively simple, Tony," Steve said, peeling the label off his beer bottle. "It looks like Director Coulson is dating Clint."

"Wait, _what_?" Tony repeated.

"Actually," Steve said, his brow creased in a great picture of earnest worry, "the only thing I'm worried about is, maybe, a conflict of interest. You know, between S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers. Although, really, since Clint was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent first, and the initial plan was for him to just do the Avengering on the side, maybe it's an issue that's already been thought out by you guys, one way or another."

"I never know whether you're serious or not," Bruce murmured, after a moment of silence.

"Wait, wait, so Agent Director and Legolas are gay now?" Tony asked, his brain apparently caught in a loop.

"I think it's actually more like they were bisexual always," Steve said, a touch sharp.

"I can't believe I'm being lectured on this by a national icon from the forties," Tony managed.

"He's been catching up with current socio-political discourse really fast," Natasha pointed out. "Remember, the super soldier serum enhanced more than just his pecs."

"Thank you, I think," Steve said, grinning as Natasha flipped him off.

"I swear, Pepper, this has been the weirdest couple of days," Tony complained.

"Oh, poor baby. Are you telling me you can't deal with these people who return all your sass with interest?" she said, a mock pout on her face.

He looked horrified. "What? I - No, that's not - Are you ganging up with them?!"

"I think it's bedtime," Pepper told him, patting his arm, as he continued to open and close his mouth like a fish.

"But it's three in the afternoon!" he spluttered.

"Nap time, then," she said, steering him towards the stairwell.

"Sweet dreams, Tony!" Natasha called after them in a sweetly sing-song voice.

"I have to admit, this all is a bit surreal," Trip said.

"Yeah? Just wait 'til Thor gets here," Clint told him. "He has biceps larger than your head."

 

*****

 

_We'll return in a moment._

 

*****

"They're never as large as your head," Phil murmured, tracing patterns around Clint's left nipple. His head was resting on Clint's right shoulder, Clint's right hand lazily playing with Phil's hair.

"They so are," Clint said.

"You're actually thinking about measuring them, next time he's around, aren't you."

Clint giggled. "You know me so well."


End file.
